January 29: LIFE after 1 year of Open Heart Surgery

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There are dates in our lives that we can't simply forget because of happy moments or a tragedy. For me this day, January 29 could be my death anniversary instead it happens to be my reborn. God has given me a second life. This day was my 1st heartiversary, the day that I survived my open heart surgery at the Philippine Heart Center

Sa mga nakakakilala po sa akin marahil alam niyo na yung condition ko before my surgery. It's been a hell and back to the emergency room 2 years after akong madiagnosed sa sakit na "Coronary Artery Disease", it's a kind of heart disease where my artery is blocked by cholesterol plaque that given me many kind of symptoms like extreme shortness of breath that almost cost my life. Siguro kung hindi ko nakayanan yung open-heart surgery ko itong day na siguro na ito ang nakasulat sa lapida ko. But all my life, I will carry this day and never forget that in my deepest pain I saw God's glory. Patunay lang talaga na nothing is impossible with prayers.

The night before the surgery parang wala na lang. Wala na akong maramdaman na kahit anong feelings ang sabi ko na lang Lord kayo na po ang bahala sa akin bukas kung ano man po ang mangyari sa akin ay ibinibigay ko na lang po sa inyo ang lahat ng worries ko. I was visited by a chaplain at my hospital bed and he ask me to confess all my sins if in case alam niyo na. We prayed and that was the most sorrowful prayer that I ever had. When you're in front of the death's doorstep is parang lahat ng winoworries mo noong normal ka eh parang hindi mo na maiisip pa. At that moment ang sabi ko na lang sa isip ko, "Lord, please if I ever die tomorrow please let me die without the pain." Since naisip ko na naka-general anaesthesia naman pala ako so hindi ko na mararamdaman yung sting of death. I was trying to convince my self that time na ready na ako whatever happens.

Demon Hunter - Leave Me Alone

This song hits me on a personal level... Ryan wrote it about a serious, albeit temporary, health problem. For people with chronic stuff, it means a lot more. Sometimes we want to know the reason why do we suffer.

The surgery started at 3PM and dinala na ako sa surgical room. I was all naked when I brought there. After that hindi ko na alam yung mga sunod na nangyari yung feeling na parang hindi ka nag-exist. Nagkamalay ako the other day na, January 30 bale gabi na ata hindi ako sure kasi groggy pa ako sa mga gamot na itinusok. Pagmulat ng mata ko ang una kong nakita ay si doc kinamusta niya ako kung anong nararamdaman ko at sinabi niya sa akin na "tapos na". Yung gising ko na yun pakiramdam ko na parang nandoon pa rin ako sa pakiramdam ko kahapon. When I looked around ang daming umiilaw sa paligid ko na mga devices at monitors. May nakita akong device dun at tumunog yung parang sa mga pelikula na kapag patay ka na yung tunog ng flatline. Hindi na kasi ako makatulog nun ulit at narinig ko yun kinabahan ako kasi flatline pero naitanong ko pa sa nurse kung patay na ba ako. Sabi niya sa akin "sir nakapagtanong pa nga po kayo ee, buhay po kayo." Wala lang daw yung tumunog na yun, lol. Oo nga naman, natawa na lang ako sa isip ko pero kabado pa rin. Kabado ko kasi nung time na pinaliguan ako at tinanggal yung hospital dress ko underneath my skin may mga tubes pa palang nakakabit. Pero at that time di ko pa ramdam yung sakit ang natatandaan ko lang ihi ako ng ihi sa hose na nakakabit sa tagiliran ko. My first meal is a gelatin kailangan soft foods muna. I was feeling like a kid again noong pinapasok si ermats sa ICU at sinubuan niya ko ng food ko. 

Demon Hunter - More Than Bones

"'More Than Bones,'" is basically saying that when I leave this earth, I'll leave you more than bones - I'll leave you all of my thoughts and all of my hopes and dreams and my desire to connect and resonate with people through this music."

Lumabas ako ng ICU hapon na ng January 31 and I stayed at the ward for 4 days para magpalakas. There was a kid na almost katapat lang ng bed ward ko. They said he is 21 years old. That kid is okay, kasi siya nakakapaglakad na siya nauna siya maoperahan sa akin and he really looks well. However, the tragic morning of January 31 has changed it all. May narinig kaming sumisigaw sa comfort room yung guardian nung 21 year old and she continously screaming for help. Halos 10 to 15 seconds din siguro yung itinagal bago dumating yung mga nurse. The boy died that day. Yung time na binabantayan siya ng mother niya sa loob ng CR para jumebs napa-iri ata siya ng todo that caused severe heart attack ang kwento nalaglag nalang sa kinauupuang bowl yung patient at kinapos ng paghinga at nangisay na lang. Seconds later wala na siyang pulse inihiga siya sa hospital bed na dala ng crew ng mga nurses later on the doctor pronounce him dead at that morning. Bawal na bawal kasi umiri ang mga bagong opera kasi mafoforce yung mga ugat sa puso na bagong lagay. Sad to say na uuwi na sila that day but that tragedy happens. Imagine how quick life has taken in just seconds. I will always remember that kid because he is my ward mate. That's the first time I saw someone died and I admit na sumakit yung dibdib ko nun and nahirapan din akong huminga knowing that the kid is already well and he is  about to go home but death still claimed him. 

'Tagaytay, June 2019'

Recovery began and rough days ahead full of anxieties and as expected there's depression. Naka dalawa or tatlo pa rin akong emergency room after the OHS because bumababa ng sobra yung blood pressure ko dahil sa mga BP medicines and my heart rate bagsak sa 60, my BP at the lowest at 72/50 something. Nahirapan ulit akong huminga kasabay ng fever and chills at night. The doctors adjusted my medicines thrice hanggang sa maging okay na ang BP and heart rate ko. After 4 months, my doctor gave me a go-signal na puwede akong bumiyahe kasi nagkaroon ng family outing dahil sa akin to lessen my worries and anxiety we visited Baguio City last summer. I made it doon ako nag-umpisang maglakad-lakad ng medyo malalayo . There were times that I got winded pero thank God kinaya ko yung trip to Baguio. We also had a trip to Tagaytay's Pink Sisters and Father Pio's Shrine at Sto.Tomas, Batangas. 

'Baguio City, April 2019'

'Batangas, September 2019'

After that, recovery goes on a straight line. By prayers and God's guidance the anxiety and depression slowly fades away. Nagagawa ko naulit yung mga bagay na hindi ko na nagawa before like this one blogging, biking, basketball, walking around malls, nakatapos ako ng Simbang gabi na gamit ko ang bike and especially yung stray feeding which I missed the most. That's the contract I signed and all these prayers were answered by Him and I need to do something to give back. I have feed every strays that I saw here in Imus and Bacoor and I am also giving foods to homeless people every Sunday. I'm not trying to be a saint or something. Second chances are rare, He gave me new leash of  life now He needs something in return for the goodness He has given me. 

                 

'Feeding Stray Dogs'

'Project Pawprints'

'Completing the Simbang Gabi night ride'

 Everything has changed from sorrow to happiness. God is real and prayers are heard. I've followed the right path and kung iisipin mo kapag maghahanap ako ng trabaho sa labas they will saw my medical record and malamang na hindi agad ako matatanggap but look nagkaroon ako ng work from home last July and dahil sabi ko sa kanya na mag-shahare ako sa mga nangangailangan nabigyan niya ako ng work na mas higit pa sa mas kaya kong ipangbili ko ng mga gamot ko. I can say na mas nagiging matatag yung faith ko today it makes me closer to Him. Dati wala eh makareceived ako ng mga blessings balewala lang I just consumed all that blessings after that hindi ako nakakapagpasalamat. Pero ngayon I give importance for every blessings big or small I always say "Thank you Lord" before going to bed.